My thoughts about your birth...

"Is she really ours?"
I was so scared for your life
I feel sick
Am I here or there, cloudy thoughts,
in and out of drowsiness;
You have such a small mouth
tiny fingers with nails-
even tinier.
My heart fell instantly in love,
I have known you longest;
So many fears- your hearbeat,
my pressures, who will make it?
You... not breathing
Me... sedate
Your dad... in the middle of it all...
Behind me as they wheel me out-
I hear the embrace, the quiet sobbing,
"I can't lose her, she's so sick, I can't lose her,
she's mine."
Now you are ours, and I can't believe-
you're seven...

I wrote these thoughts on the eve of her birthday. She and I struggled for life during her birth. My husband watched both of us be very sick for several hours. Now, she is vibrant, alive, and seven.